Life Gone

So this is how its all going to end? This is not how I envisaged my life to end, this not how anyone imagines their end would turn out to be, O God please rescue me, there is still so much do in this life, so much to become and so much to accomplish. How did it get to this? How did all this befall little old me? Well I guess you can say I am the architect of my own misfortune, all I ever wanted was a piece of the “forbidden fruit”  and also because of the fact that I’m a little…………………………“different”.

Reverse back to my childhood, I grew in a christian home where going to church was the only recreational activity allowed in my house. My parents are pastors and they pastor a small pentecostal church in Warri.  I was the only child so one can imagine how my childhood was. Always kept indoors, not allowed to have any friends especially boys or mix as not to be corrupted by the evils of this new generation. Friends from school weren’t allowed over, the only few pals I had were, you guess it, only girls who were only allowed to visit on “special occasion” and we weren’t allowed to discuss anything other than the bible and religious ish because watching TV wasn’t even allowed except its was a gospel program.

So naturally not having friends turned me into a very reserved girl and was I was obedient and the perfect son to everyone and most parents wished had me as theirs, but what they all didn’t know was that behind the quiet charming, coy, role model type of boy I was, I dying inside. There was a totally different person in me screaming to be let loose. Years of being monitored and not being able, sorry allowed to interact socially had messed and twisted up my sanity and sexuality, because since I was only to mix with girls, I developed emotional feelings for only girls. But this side of me had to remain buried no matter how hard it was begging to be let out. I wasn’t thinking of myself here, just my parent’s reputation and because I’m a pastor’s kid from an influential home and I couldn’t just act out even if I wanted to not to mention the rigid laws concerning gays and lesbians and harsh penalties meted on offenders, instead of focusing on enacting laws and stipulating stiff punishment for corrupt practices, they turn their attention of people like us *misplaced priorities*.

When I got admission into the university, I finally got some form of freedom after much persuasion though; I was allowed to be on my own. Finally I could breathe.  From then on, I let loose the demon within; it was from one gay relationship to another. Though I was very careful as not give away my true sexuality to the public and incur their wrath and bring shame to my family. Fast forward to my working days after graduation, so one evening I was visiting a friend after work hours and I got introduced to this other friend of hers and from the minute I set my eyes on her I knew I needed to have her and nature smiled on me and somehow we became an item. She was everything I wanted and she fulfilled all my guilty pleasures and we were inseparable, though she was more into me than I into her. She kept calling, pinging, texting, sexting, even when I am in church for service. She had almost on a few occasions blown my cover to my parents. So I decided to end it before my secret was revealed, hey I couldn’t let my life be ruined because of a simple fling, unfortunately I wished I had reconsidered this before doing it. I had kept my last name and family background from her, but somehow this chick staked me and managed to track me down and threatened hell on earth for my breaking up with her and demanded 2.5mills from me to buy her silence for now.  2.5 mills?!, doesn’t she know I’m from a working class family, and my parents barely put me through school.  At first I thought she was cray but now she’s threatening to tell my folks and the entire church and she’s got hard evidence to back up her claim. My parents may have gotten it wrong in the child training department but they are good people and it would ruin their reputation if the church finds out.

I pleaded and pleaded, I cried my eyes out, I even offered to continued our rekindle our romantic relationship, but she was relentless, after much begging, she managed to come down to 500k, but I was still lost, I don’t have that kind of money, I earn a miserly 40k from my job which isn’t even enough for my upkeep not to talk of paying off a blackmail and she only gave me a month. What was I to do? I was totally confused, everything was at stake here.  So this is how my life was all going to end? No! I couldn’t go out like this. The deadline was finally up, and she came collecting like a NEPA officer. I presented her loot to her, but she stared in disbelief

“This is only 90k, I recall asking for half a million, what the hell is this? I see you not taking me seriously, fine; watch me destroy your entire life in a second”.

“c’mon, you know I don’t have that kind of cash at all, I had to cough this out with blood, have a f******** heart, PLEASEEE!”.

“b****, that aint my concern, in fact keep the money, I no longer need it, im goin to repay you back for how you used and dumped me , the world would know you’re a dirty a** lesbo like me, first your parents and your church, and then the police, get ready to spent the next ten years in jail”

And with she turned and headed towards and to set on her mission to end my life. I count spend ten years in prison, I wouldn’t survive, and the shame, O the shame on my family, it would be too much to bear. No! I won’t let it end like this, as she was close to the door, I knew it was now or never, there was no other option, I had to do this, I didn’t have the guts for this but I was left with no other option. She had put her hand on the door knob and was about opening the door, I quickly reached into my hand bag, pull IT out, and with my heart beating faster than the speed of  sound and trembling hands, ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. I pulled the trigger, BANG!

                                    TO BE OR NOT TO BE CONTINUED……………….