Dark Chocolate: Peter's Ordeal ( Episode 5 & 6 )

**FLASH BACK**
We maintained our typical Tom and Jerryfrienship for over a year. And now, she(Grace) was going out with Goke that night and I would never be outdone. Never.

Dear reader, remember that tramp of a girl back in your school? Well, Tife was the one in mine and had constantly been flirting with me in return for little favours like doing her assignments, attendance and things like that. Though I was like the only guy who had not yet had a ‘piece of the cake’. The day had come.

******

Later that night, I was standing in front of the Filmhouse Cinemas, Surulere. I was clutching a box of chocolate my meagre finances could afford, asides some extra cash I had put aside to get movie tickets for two. I was impatiently waiting for the seductress, Tife.

Don't be fooled. Getting a box of chocolats while I waited wasn't meant to be romantic or anything. It was after an idle hour, waiting for Tife that I strolled into the adjoining Adeniran Ogunsanya Mall, feeding my eyes and killing time.

Obviously, I wasn't the only idler in the building. I couldn't help but notice, well dressed boys and girls, who had come all the way to Shoprite supermarket just to take selfies. As if the display of goods in the background endorsed them in any way.

I was further taken by surprise when two girls walked up to me. One of them shoved her iPhone at me, and for a minute I thought it was a T.V prank. I looked around for a candid camera, there was non.

"Selfie" she said, giggling like a duck.

Selfie? Isn't that supposed to be a picture taken by ones self? I thought to myself.... Interesting.

Well, if Tife didn't come through, a friend-making venture wouldn't be a totally bad idea.  Plan B activated. I smiled and took the camera.

She quickly joined her friend as they striked 'the pose' (peace sign, pout lips, and some extra attitude). They even did the tongue thing. After about fourty shots in different postures, I got tired of playing photographer. I made to leave, when the interesting one asked for my number.

"Yor nomba pliss" Hmm, that accent though ... I typed in my phone number anyway.

"Nice meeting you ladies..... Errmm...?"

"Munirat. Bet ma friendships are calling me Muni for shot. An dis ma best friendship Shakirat, or Sharki for shot"

The multiple shots made me want to run for cover! Ibadan girls?!!

I hadn't seen anything yet.

"Oya, take ma nober too. Sero hate sero, sis hate sis, tiri hate sefun, noi-noi. Das my hen ti hen nober" I almost fainted!

Blood of Moses! How is it earthly possible to use an iPhone 6 and yet be this poor grammatically? I came from filthy Lagos, but my English had always been okay. Where did this girls go wrong for crying out loud?

I was was about to run when the other girl quipped

"You looks like my bess rapper Sun Tissue... You know that guy da singing sholee kole"

What?!!!

At that point, I just felt very tired. I waved livelessly at them as they said goodbye and sashayed their egg roll-size ikebe out of sight, leaving me amused and disappointed at the same time.

"What in Gods green earth just happened now?" I asked myself. I still had no clue.  

Without thinking, I picked up the nearest thing to me which happened to be a box of chocolates. Why, I felt the urge to eat chocolate, I dont know. You see I was radical like that, and the devils responsible for silly decision-making was at work.

I was starting to get strongly irritated. “Tife caused me all this bullshit o. How could she?” I grumbled.

I went back to Leisure Mall, next door. Wandering the cinema grounds for over two...what… (I looked at my old wrist watch) 9 pm! 3 hours now! Yet she was nowhere in sight. Take three hours back and I had been eager to empty my pockets to gratify any of her greedy cravings that night. I had practically broken the bank just to make an impression. My aim? Simple. Loose my blooy virginity. Thats all (and maybe my stupidity too) and Tife was the promiscuous brat to carry out such deviance with.

And here I was, calling her number for the umpteenth time, refusing to come to terms with the stark obvious- I had been left hanging... again. She was probably in one of her numerous boyfriends' bed doing unmentionables.

"Foolish... foolish Pete” I rebuked myself.

The cloudy skies rumbled in agreement and without further warning, it started raining. I was too upset to cuss aloud and once again thought about Tife.

“Should I wait?” the rain instantly intensified in disagreement. Before I could say ‘Jack!’, I was soaked. Defeated and sopping wet, I slogged homeward.

*******

Out of self-pity and partly because of the weather that night, I decided to steer clear of danfo buses. I hailed a Lagos cab instead.

“Akoka” I managed to mutter as he pulled over.

Without waiting for an answer, I jumped in the front seat.

“3K” the chubby man said. Charges for dampening his car saat must have been automatically added. Bewildered, but not ready to go back into the rain, I motioned for him to drive. I reached for the car stereo without consulting the driver (I was going to get full value for my three thousand naira). I found Smooth F.M and was greeted by the sonorous voice of Sope Martins. Her laughter.

She was saying something about “how romantic hanging out with that special someone could be on such a night” and stuff like that. It took me a lot of nerve not to yell. I quickly switched off the radio. Way to go Sope. The chubby cabman glanced at me, smiling and was about to say something before he changed his mind altogether. Good thing he did. All I wanted was for him to shut up and drive.

He’d just driven past The National Stadium, Surulere, when my phone rang.

“What? Tife?!” I couldn’t believe she was calling me now. I didn’t even know what to say to her. I wished I could be sincerely vulgar and tell her to go fcuk her self. But as upset as I was, I was just too timid to do it.

Anyway, I picked up and listened to her drone on about how she was sucking off a lollipop as we spoke, I clearly wasn’t paying attention, but woke up when I heard something like;

“baby, you’re not talking... I make you horny right?”

“Tife… see ehn… I understand you are just being yourself by being condescending and all, but I lost interest.” Not sure if I drove home my point I added “...the truth is I’m gay... gay! You hear? So just.. just back off o.k.?” I heard her gasp, and with that I quickly pushed ‘End Call’.

The rain came down in torrents and slammed onto the windshield in sync with my heart beat. I could hear the wipers making a ‘swoosh-swoosh’ noise that I wish would just stop. But I had acted up enough in that car and wasn’t about to give the cab man anymore drama. From the corners of my eyes I could see him stealing fleeting looks at me. He probably now thinks I’m actually gay and crazy, he heard me admit it, so well...

I was going to hit something-anything to release the anger that was choking me in that cab. But I had to keep my cool until I got home. I layed back my head and shut my eyes tight as I cursed that tramp Tife for the umpteenth time, for causing me such irritation. I swore to stick to my virginity once and for all. Bitter experience had taught me long ago that the whole business of loving was one big useless facade. To me, intimacy which at first might appear as a light and charming adventure inevitably grows into a regular problem of extreme complexity and in the long run, the drama of a break-up; unbearable.

"Hmmm, it’s not worth it" I hissed to myself. Nothing could shake me out of my strong opinion.

My flow of thoughts was suddenly interrupted as I felt somebodys rough palm on my biceps. I jerked back to consciousness and I found myself in the yellow cab. I was still uncertain about the invasive hand that was now touring my head, my neck and my chest. I slowly came out of my deep thoughts only to see the freckled cab driver flashing me a set of brown teeth, dotted by  Saudi gold here and there. His unwelcome fingers tracing down my chest as he drooled

“Fine boy... we be one o... shey you know... me sef, na man I like.. And I go take care of ...”

I didn’t suppress the impulse one more second.

GBOSSSA!!

I punched him so hard, his head did a 360 degree atop his fat neck. His face, smacking hard against the driver side

window.

The car swerved dangerously on the road as he lost control for a moment.

“March brake jor” I shrieked as I reached for the steering in order to steady the vehicle.

I jumped down from the car immediately it stopped. Quickly picked my box of chocolate and gestured as if to hit him again

“Abeg no vex ! No vex abeg!” He said over and over again, panicky and sweaty.

His pathetic sight made me remember a paltry thief caught in broad daylight at Oshodi market.

"You no get sense o. You dis yeye cab man. So you wan burst my yansh?" I couldn't believe my luck.

I left him there whimpering like a little girl before he got a hold of himself and turned against me. I may be younger and athletic, but definitely no match for an aggressive 300 pound ‘rear marshal’. I moved on quickly.

About The Writer

 Tobi Kuti is a multi-talented vibrant young man, who loves to read and write. He is a creative writer, a motivational writer & speaker and also he is a spoken word artist. He hails from Ondo state and he currently in Lagos Nigeria.
He has written various forms of literary art and creative writing such as novels, short stories, poetry, plays, news articles,
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