A MAN’S WEIRD NOTE- DEAR FUTURE WIFE

 Dear Future Wife,

My dear future wife before you get interested in me, I owe you one obligation. That obligation is letting you know what you are getting into.

Dear Future wife, change they say is constant; personally, I have nothing against change that I can assure you. However, I have to make one thing very clear.  Please note that not every change is acceptable. People only change things they don’t like or things have become old as a result of time.
What I’m saying in essence is that I’m putting you on notice that there are things that no amount of pressure can bring about any change to them. Let me quickly give you a rundown of things that are likely not going to change in years to come in our house.
1.  I love my pounded yam, I eat it once in every two days. This is unlike my friends who like to eat it every day. So my dear, get ready to serve me my pounded yam at least once in every two days. I hope this is not asking too much?
2. I love my food cooked with firewood. The extra flavour and aroma that firewood gives food is heavenly. Therefore, sweet wife in the waiting, try and perish every idea of using gas burners in my house. That won’t work. Ho ha! Don’t worry, I will fetch the wood, I will hew them myself and you will cook my food with them.
3. As for what you will wear, don’t be afraid of what you will eat or wear. I inherited three boxes full of wrappers from my mother. George, Hollandis,  tie and dye, name them, are in those boxes. These are great and popular wrappers that covered the nakedness of our mothers and the generations that existed before them. So my dear wife to be, forget your mini skirt, leggings and some of those things you people wear in this age. You have more than enough to wear.
4. I love children. Yes I love them a lot. So get ready to give me between eight to ten children. Future wife, I hope your waist and back are strong enough to bear and carry them.
5.  One more thing my dear wife to come, I love our traditional markets. These are places where one can buy fresh fruits and vegetables and many other fresh commodities. I love the smell of the market too; they have a way of reminding one of the farms. Your shopping has to be in the open markets. Don’t worry; I will buy you some pairs of rain boots for your shopping in the market.  In the light of this, please note that there will be nothing like shopping at the malls and those  places that I understand why people go there in the first place.
Do consider these points I have raised as very critical.
Yours sincerely,
Dream Husband